Bitcoin Takes a Dramatic Coffee Break While S&P Parties On—What’s Next?

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As dawn broke over the American stock market—and, indeed, it broke so loudly one would suspect a brass band was involved—the S&P 500 flexed its pecs, roared, and leaped a full 3.26% skyward. Why? Because Americans and Chinese, with a handshake and an exchange of tariffs that would make even Pontius Pilate raise an eyebrow, managed to make optimism the new black.

And where, you may ask, was Bitcoin during this extravagant waltz of global finance? Oh, dear reader, Bitcoin lay listlessly on a fainting couch, monocle askew, having tumbled below $101,000. Is this a pause before a new all-time high, or is our hero about to be devoured by the bear lurking behind the curtain? Stay tuned, for the theatre of finance is rarely dull! 🎭

S&P 500: The Resurrection (Now With Extra Swagger)

The weekly S&P 500 chart tells the sort of heartwarming redemption tale Hollywood can only dream of—despair, drama, and that sweet, sweet rally. When President Trump placed tariffs on anything more animate than a potted plant, the index sulked to the depths, only to bounce higher than a caffeinated kangaroo: another 3.26%! The S&P now sits at 5,844 points, inching toward the lofty 6,000 mark.

Will the market’s optimism overcome the suspicion that equities now cost more than the Mona Lisa’s insurance premium? Place your wagers, gentlefolk!

$BTC and the Case of the Unmoved Resistance

Bitcoin, however, stands outside, gazing wistfully through the frosted window at $104,000. This resistance is not merely psychological—it’s practically existential. The 4-hour chart artists have documented $BTC’s repeated attempts to slip past this level, but alas! Not a single candle body has closed above.

Following the most recent rejection, Bitcoin plummeted to the 0.382 Fibonacci level—$101,000—a descent worthy of Dante himself. Is this merely the part where the protagonist licks his wounds before returning to glory? The 4-hour and 8-hour Stochastic RSIs now sulk at the bottom, and the 12-hour RSI is packing its bags for the trip down. Perhaps the week’s end will bring a dramatic plot twist, complete with dramatic exit music. Or will the hero slip beneath $102,000, tumbling ignominiously to the top of the bull flag before attempting a daring comeback? Stay tuned—mystery abounds! 🕵️‍♂️

Correction: Feature or Bug?

The weekly chart features a bull-bear duel worthy of a Pushkin poem. The price currently clings above $102,000—likely sweating profusely—while the bears sharpen their claws below.

Fans of the bull side can boast: not a single red candle sullied the rally from the bear flag’s base, a 42% ascent as pure as Siberian snow. (Which, incidentally, often inspires the same kind of chills in investors’ spines.) Thus, a pause at $104,000 before a possible rejection—well, even the boldest matador needs a coffee break.

Monthly Prognosis: All Hail $102,000, King of Resistance👑

For those who prefer their charts aged with the wisdom of the monthly candle: behold! $102,000 is not just another resistance line, it is The Resistance, the Gandalf of bitcoin levels (“You shall not pass!”).

Meanwhile, at chart bottom, the Stochastic RSI whispers sweet nothings of a blue (fast) line coyly crossing the orange (slow). Above: the RSI itself creeps above the yellow moving average with all the stealth of a cat burglar. Should these crossings remain at month’s end, the bulls may yet have their day—or at least a decent afterparty.

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2025-05-13 12:43