If I had a dollar for every time someone said, “This is it, Bitcoin is going up!”… well, I’d probably just buy more Bitcoin and wait for Kevin Svenson, resident YouTube Nostradamus (current follower count: an oddly specific 82,800), to bless me with a little hope and plenty of hand-waving.
This week, Kevin is feeling, and I quote, “really good.” By which I assume he’s either meditating nightly or he’s got his charting software open with caffeine running through his veins. The man cannot walk past a candlestick chart without whispering sweet nothings about “bullish momentum.”
“Bitcoin not giving up any of the pumps. We pump up, we go sideways, we pump up, we go sideways. And now pumping up again. It’s looking really good.”
So, what’s got Kevin so giddy? Apparently, Bitcoin has broken out on the four-hour chart. If you’ve never looked at a chart for four hours straight, don’t worry. That’s Kevin’s burden to bear. He’s seeing love letters from the Relative Strength Index (RSI) and something called the MACD—neither of which is a sandwich at McDonald’s, though I’d probably trust them more if they were.
The RSI, for the uninitiated, tells you when Bitcoin’s been partying too hard or not enough. The MACD allegedly helps you spot the difference between an “uptrend” and a “please stop refreshing your app and go outside.”
“Bitcoin also broke the four-hour RSI resistance. And the MACD on the four-hour has flipped to the bullish side. So there are multiple things leading us to believe that there could be continuation on this move.”
If you trust his enchanted charting tools, Bitcoin could soon be knocking on the $100,000 door, presumably wearing a monocle and asking, “Does this price make me look rich?”
But—there is always a but, and rarely is it the fun kind—Kevin says there’s a “catch.” (Of course there is. There’s always a catch. Even when there isn’t, someone will invent one.) Bitcoin could, at any moment, decide to do its best impression of my souffle: rise gloriously, only to collapse into a sad puddle below $90k. Markets are mercurial, kind of like my aunt after half a glass of rosé.
“I don’t want to discount the possibility that Bitcoin after hitting our upside target, you know, maybe there’s some kind of retrace into this zone [below $90,000] before continuation. The market is always crazy, it’s always volatile.”
At the time of writing, Bitcoin is idling at $97,067, looking smugger than a guy in line at Erewhon who just recognized Gwyneth Paltrow behind the kombucha.
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2025-05-03 16:49