Welcome to this week in crypto, or, as I like to call it, “This Week’s Collective Nervous Breakdown.” Grab a drink. Or a helmet. 🍸💥
Ethereum (ETH)
Honestly, Ethereum spent the week flirting shamelessly with $1,825. Imagine that one friend who is always “about to leave the party,” but is still standing in the hallway, passive aggressively scrolling their phone. That’s ETH. It did manage a 3% price increase, but only because the sellers were busy elsewhere, presumably being passive aggressive in other chats. Volume’s dropping, conviction is low, and resistance is acting like a grumpy doorman who won’t let anyone into the club.
But—get this—the second ETH gets a whiff of Bitcoin’s perfume and decides to follow, we might see $2,000. Or we might just get another episode of “Will They Won’t They: Crypto Edition.” 🔑
Ripple (XRP)
XRP is really giving “meh” energy this week with less than a 1% gain. Buyers are possibly distracted by shiny objects, existential dread, or literally any other coin. 🙄
If XRP wants to stop being the third wheel, it has to claim $2.3 as support—otherwise, sellers will drag it straight to $2, like an ex hoping for closure. Ironically, volatility has slowed down, so basically, everyone’s just staring at each other, waiting for someone else to make the first move.
Cardano (ADA)
ADA is consolidating above $0.64, which is code for “not moving, just lurking.” It dropped 2% this week. Picture ADA as a cat that refuses to chase the laser pointer—it could move, but will it? Who knows.
If buyers can finally be bothered to get it over $0.8, we could see some action. But right now, all the momentum of a hungover snail. If nothing changes, ADA could be facing a long, existential staring contest with bearish signals. 🐌
Solana (SOL)
Solana dropped 3% this week after being booted from $152, twice. Imagine trying to enter the same nightclub twice in a wig and sunglasses—the bouncers still recognize you. Solana’s buyers tried, but alas, not convincing enough.
If $152 can’t become a support, we might see a sulky retreat to $130. There’s talk of a bearish MACD cross, which sounds technical but is basically a sign to prepare your emotional support snacks.
HYPE (HYPE)
HYPE lives up to its name with a dramatic 7% leap and a thunderous rush past the $19 resistance. Buyers probably popped champagne at $21, but sellers have now closed the bar. As long as HYPE stays above $20, bulls have the upper hand and a shot at $23. If not, expect some panic texting and brunch cancellations.
So, HYPE is the only one acting like someone’s just spiked the punch. The rest? More “waiting for a bus that may never come.” 🚀🍾
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2025-05-02 13:53