Robinhood’s quarterly earnings have dropped, their crypto trading cooled off quicker than last night’s takeaway, and yet… Wall Street’s still swooning. Because apparently, in the glamorous financial world, expectations are so low that losing less is basically the new winning. 🤑
The big Q1 reveal on April 30: revenue’s down 8.6% from the dizzying heights of last quarter, settling at a humble $927 million. Zacks’ analysts were apparently set up for heartbreak, and Robinhood gave them a mild surprise—beating the numbers by a thrilling 3.16%. Someone alert Hollywood. 🎬
Now, crypto. Oof. Robinhood’s crypto revenue face-planted by almost 30%, tumbling down a flight of cold, statistical stairs to $252 million. Last quarter was a “record,” apparently. This quarter: much less screaming from the crypto bros. The blame game: Trump-era tariffs! Because what’s the point of a financial crisis if you can’t shoehorn in a bit of politics? The crypto market cap itself shrank 18%. Maybe it was just having a bit of a personal crisis too.
And get this—the crypto trading on Robinhood dropped 35%. That’s not a typo, that’s just the sound of someone’s ‘get rich’ dreams deflating. Apparently, there were fewer trades (down 10%) and people placed smaller bets (notional volume per trade down 27%). Must be hard budgeting for lambos these days.
Enter CEO Vladimir Tenev on the earnings call: “Crypto volumes will continue to fluctuate.” Uh, Vlad, have you met crypto? “Fluctuate” is its toxic ex. But don’t worry, Robinhood’s focus is on owning the market. (No pressure, Vlad.)
If you’re into historical perspectives: Robinhood’s crypto revenue is actually up 100% compared to a year ago, with trading volumes up 28%. Because apparently, compared to 2023, anything looks good.
Meanwhile, Robinhood’s throwing $500 million more into its buyback piggy bank, now boasting $1.5 billion for share buybacks to “boost confidence.” So far, they’ve already snapped up $667 million worth. Nothing says trust us like buying your own stock, right?
Shareholders must’ve liked it—Robinhood shares (HOOD) perked up 1.51% in after-hours trading to $49.85. Not enough for champagne, but maybe a flat white. ☕
But wait, there’s more: Vlad says the $200 million Bitstamp takeover is still on track for 2025. If the regulators don’t kill the mood, Robinhood could soon be winking at institutional US investors. Romantic.
On the drama scale, regulatory tension dialed down after the SEC abruptly ghosted their investigation on Feb. 21. Must have finally found someone else to text.
Crypto tokenization remains a key focus for Robinhood
Vlad’s current obsession: crypto tokenization. Apparently, it’s the secret sauce to fixing secondary markets and granting everyday mortals access to private equities. Just imagine: “Buy tokenized shares of OpenAI and SpaceX in minutes,” he says. Hold my oat milk latte, I’m going to tokenize my lunch.
Robinhood’s primary policy goal in DC: make tokenization happen. Sure, it’s ambitious, but isn’t dreaming big the point? Especially when the trades are getting smaller. 🤷♀️
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2025-05-01 03:55