You’ll Never Guess Which Crypto Bro Just Joined Trump Jr’s $500K DC Power Club

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Hold onto your wallets, nerds: AI and crypto bigwig David Sacks (aka the Tony Stark of tech bros) is apparently one of the founding fathers of Donald Trump Jr’s fresh-off-the-assembly-line private club, The Executive Branch. And in true “kids who get new cars at 16” style, the membership fee will only set you back $500,000. Yes, that’s the price tag—because apparently money now buys you not only yachts, but selective networking with other extremely rich people. 🤑

As Scooby-Doo would say: “Ruh-roh!” Politico claims this is all happening thanks to Don Jr. and his band of Very-Serious-Businessmen from the 1789 Capital fund. The gang features megadonor Omeed Malik, Chris Buskirk (who probably also buys the entire theater for ‘Dune’), and the Winklevoss twins—because no private club is complete without tall, vaguely interchangeable crypto twins.

Of course, there’s always a Canadian-American venture capitalist in the mix, and that’s Chamath Palihapitiya (say it five times fast and a tech conference appears), joining the Founders’ Table alongside David “I-only-date-altcoins” Sacks and the aforementioned Winklevosses, who probably wrestled to see who got to sign the paperwork first.

So for half a million dollars, you too can have champagne spilled on your shoes next to people who take “networking” so seriously they turned it into a verb. The Executive Branch hopes to go head-to-head with Mar-A-Lago, where the membership fee just did a bold lipsync of “Anything You Can Do, I Can Do For Twice The Price” and jumped to a cool $1 million. Because why settle for one exclusive club when you can have two?

But wait, there’s more: the club is going to live in a pseudo-palace in Georgetown, DC—because nothing says “private” like “just off the main street, behind an understated, but extremely expensive, door.” The inaugural soirée is scheduled for Saturday, May 3, 2025. Mark your calendars—if you’re on the list (spoiler: you’re not).

Insiders claim the club’s mission is to create “the highest-end invite-only club in Washington,” and to give rich folks a “save space for people to have private conversations with people from the Trump administration.” Yes, a real quote, with the typo included, because nothing says privacy like a crowd of former White House staffers and people who invest in imaginary money.

Half a million bucks still not enough of a hurdle? Well, there’s already a waitlist, and every applicant needs a “trusted referral.” So, not only do you need $500K burning a hole in your pocket, but also a phone full of contacts who are on a first-name basis with Don Jr or a Winklevoss. 🧐

In other news, David Sacks very dramatically announced last month that he cashed out of his crypto stash before stepping into his new Trump-adjacent role. Bye-bye Bitcoin, sayonara Solana! But don’t worry: I’m sure he’ll find something else to hodl—maybe club napkins from the launch party.

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2025-04-29 13:40