Gold’s Glow-Up, Tech’s Meltdown: Tariffs Strike Again!

by

What to know:

  • Gold is having its Cinderella moment, surging over 2% to break $3,300, as investors run to it like it’s the last bottle of prosecco at a party. 🥂
  • Nvidia, the tech darling, just dropped a $5.5 billion bombshell, sending Nasdaq futures into a tailspin. 💣📉

Global markets are in chaos again, because apparently, U.S.–China trade tensions are the gift that keeps on giving. Investors are flocking to safe havens like gold, while tech stocks are getting pummeled harder than Bridget Jones at a karaoke night. 🎤💔

Gold, the ultimate drama queen, surged over 2% on Wednesday to top $3,300 per ounce, setting a new record high. Meanwhile, the dollar is looking weaker than my resolve to avoid chocolate, and Nasdaq futures are hinting at a very bad day for Wall Street. 📉💸

On Tuesday, the White House decided to spice things up by announcing tariffs of up to 245% on Chinese imports. This is in response to China’s retaliatory measures, which include banning exports of rare earth elements, gallium, and germanium—basically the ingredients for high-speed computer chips. 🍿🔥

Markets reacted faster than I do to a sale at Zara. The Dollar Index (DXY) fell below 100, signaling that investors are losing faith in the U.S. currency. Meanwhile, the euro and yen are flexing their muscles, strengthening to $1.13 and 142 per dollar, respectively. 💪💶

Equities are struggling harder than I do with a yoga class. Nasdaq futures dropped more than 2%, with tech stocks taking the brunt of the hit. Nvidia (NVDA) shares fell 7% pre-market after the company revealed that new U.S. export controls on AI chips to China would cost it $5.5 billion in lost revenue. Cue the panic across the semiconductor industry, which relies on Chinese demand like I rely on coffee. ☕😱

Bitcoin (BTC) dropped slightly to $83,000, proving once again that it’s more of a tech stock groupie than a safe-haven asset like gold. 🕺💻

Read More

2025-04-16 11:55