Lord almighty, folks, gather ’round and let me tell you ’bout the week that shook America like a rattler in a tin can π. It was a day like any other when ol’ Trump, that fella with the golden throne, decided to throw tariffs around like Oprah hands out cars. “You get a tariff! And you get a tariff! Everybody gets a tariff!” π
Now, I reckon you’ve heard of them fancy newsletters over at Bitcoin.com. Been telling tales of economic warfare like mama used to tell bedtime stories.
Picture this, if you will: April 2nd, they’re calling it Liberation Day (though some folks might say it’s more like Constipation Day for the markets π©). The government boys came out swinging with their new tariff scheme, complicated as a raccoon trying to solve a Rubik’s cube.
They got this formula, see – taking numbers and dividing ’em up like they’re splitting a pie at a church social. China got hit with a whopping 34% – that’s enough to make a grown economist cry into their spreadsheets π.
Next day, Wall Street looked like a saloon after a bar fight – $2.85 trillion gone faster than a prairie dog diving into its hole. The Dow dropped harder than a hot potato at a county fair, and Bitcoin? Well, it stumbled like a three-legged mule, down 6.7% π.
Them fancy Twitter folks (beg your pardon, “X” folks π) started squawking like chickens in a tornado. Two days ain’t even passed, and they’re already writing America’s obituary. Reminds me of the time Uncle Joe thought the world was ending ’cause his truck wouldn’t start – turned out he just needed gas.
Now, I ain’t saying these tariffs are gonna be sweet as mama’s apple pie, but they might just work out better than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs πͺ. That Treasury fella Bessent’s been yappin’ about bringing down them yields, and by golly, they’re dropping like autumn leaves.
Could be we’ll see Bitcoin take a tumble like a drunk trying to ride a mechanical bull, but don’t you fret none. When them Fed boys start cutting rates faster than a hot knife through butter, well… that’s when the real show begins! πͺ
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2025-04-13 08:57