In the depths of capitalistic excess, dear reader, I must confess to you a tale so grotesque, so magnificently absurd, that it borders on the metaphysical comedy of our modern existence. Blackrock, that leviathan of financial manipulation, has gorged itself on $84 billion in blood money (or as they casually call it, “net inflows”) π
Oh, what madness! What delicious irony! Our dear friends at Blackrock, those merchants of mathematical souls, have orchestrated a symphony of profits that would make Mephistopheles himself blush with envy! Their revenue, a mere $5.28 billion (such modest figures, wouldn’t you agree? π), represents a 12% increase – as if percentage points could quantify the moral arithmetic of our time!
Imagine, if you will, dear reader, their “adjusted earnings per share” at $11.30 – a number that dances before our eyes like the golden calf of old! And oh, how generously they “return” $375 million to their shareholders, as if returning crumbs to the very table from which they feast! π
And what of their puppet-master, their grand inquisitor, Larry Fink? He speaks of “diverse platforms” and “dynamic market environments” with such calculated precision that one might mistake him for a character from a Petersburg nightmare! π
Ha! Listen to their words, dripping with honey yet laced with arsenic: “We’ve intentionally shaped our platform…” As if the very act of intention in this mad world of finance wasn’t already a cosmic jest! Their “premier global public-private markets investment” – such beautiful words to describe such beautiful chaos! π
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2025-04-12 01:57