In what can only be described as the financial equivalent of ordering a pizza and then immediately becoming vegan, Goldman Sachs performed the most spectacular economic U-turn since someone first thought tulip bulbs were a solid investment. π€ͺ
Picture this: There sat Jan Hatzius and his merry band of economists at Goldman, probably wearing their finest doom-and-gloom suits, solemnly announcing a 65% chance of economic apocalypse. But faster than you can say “covfefe,” Trump jumped onto Truth Social (yes, that’s still a thing π) and essentially said “Just kidding about those tariffs! Well, except for China – they’re still in the naughty corner.”
The market, bless its easily startled heart, responded like a squirrel that just found an entire pizza π. Meanwhile, in what must have been a rather awkward meeting room at Goldman Sachs, economists were frantically erasing their recession predictions faster than a teenager deleting their browser history.
By 2:10 p.m., when most Wall Street folks were presumably on their third espresso of the day, Goldman had performed such a dramatic pivot that Olympic gymnasts would’ve been impressed. The new message? “Nothing to see here, folks! Just your regular, garden-variety economic uncertainty.” π
The whole debacle serves as a reminder that predicting the U.S. economy in the age of social media announcements is about as reliable as using a Magic 8-Ball to plan your retirement. One minute you’re preparing for economic winter, the next you’re back to “sunny with a chance of tariffs.” π± Just another day in the circus we call modern economics!
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2025-04-10 00:07