🤑 eToro’s Crypto Craze: 91% of Revenue or Just Gogol’s Nose? 🤑

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Behold, the Tale of eToro’s Crypto Follies:

  • 🚀 Crypto trading, that elusive chimera, clung to eToro like a stubborn nose on Gogol’s protagonist, accounting for 91% of its Q2 revenue. What sorcery is this?
  • 💰 Lo and behold! $2.09 billion in total revenue, with cryptoassets hoarding $1.91 billion like a miser in a Russian novella.
  • 🔗 Ethereum, the blockchain of dreams, shall tokenize U.S. stocks. Will it end in triumph or a bureaucratic farce? Only time will tell.

Ah, crypto trading! The backbone of eToro’s empire, or perhaps its Achilles’ heel? In the second quarter, it churned out a staggering 91% of the company’s revenue, as if the very soul of the firm were bound to this digital whirlwind. Yet, like a character in one of my tales, it teeters on the edge of absurdity.

A slight dip from the first quarter’s 93%, you say? Ah, the equities and other trading segments stir, like minor characters vying for attention in a grand drama. But let us not be fooled-crypto remains the star, albeit with a touch of the ridiculous.

For the months of June’s sweltering embrace, cryptoassets raked in $1.91 billion, though a nettlesome $8.4 million loss from derivatives trading stung like a mosquito at dusk. Yet, after deducting the $1.88 billion cost, digital asset trading still reigned supreme, a tyrant in eToro’s $2.09 billion kingdom.

In Q1, crypto’s bounty reached $3.5 billion, with derivatives adding a whimsical $77 million, a farce that accounted for over 93% of the $3.76 billion total. Ah, the heights of folly!

And what of eToro’s grand ambitions? Last month, it unveiled plans to tokenize U.S. stocks on the Ethereum blockchain, a scheme as bold as it is bewildering. Will it soar like a bird or crash like a poorly written plot twist? Only the gods of finance know.

Etoro, once a debutante at $52 a share in May, now trades at $50.7, a decline of 8.2%. Alas, the Nasdaq listing raised $310 million, but the market, fickle as a Gogol protagonist, has turned its nose up. What madness is this?

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2025-08-12 21:22