Ah, the absurdity of it all! In the year 2025, when the world teetered on the edge of chaos, Strategy (formerly MicroStrategy, a name as forgettable as a bureaucrat’s cough) emerged from the shadows, its pockets bulging with Bitcoin like a peasant who’d stumbled upon a tsar’s treasure. 🪙✨ A record net income of $10 billion, they say! Diluted earnings per share of $32.60! What folly! Last year, they wept over a $102.6 million loss, but now they prance like roosters at dawn. 🐓
Their secret? A hoard of 628,791 BTC, purchased for $46 billion, now worth $72.7 billion. Ah, the whimsy of numbers! 📈💸 Phong Le, their president, declares it a triumph of strategy, while Andrew Kang, the CFO, proclaims it a miracle of the markets. And Michael Saylor, that crypto bard, chants for a taxonomy of digital assets—as if the world needed more labels for its madness! 📜🤡
“These achievements underscore the scale of our Bitcoin treasury strategy and the strength of our capital markets platform,” said Phong Le, President and CEO, with a straight face that would make a Gogol character blush.
Meanwhile, Tether, the stablecoin giant, raked in $4.9 billion in profit, a 277% leap from last year. 🤑 Their reserves? $162.5 billion against $157 billion in liabilities. Excess reserves of $5.47 billion! Paolo Ardoino, their spokesman, tweets with the gravity of a man announcing the end of the world—or perhaps just the end of fiat currency. 🌍💸
“Tether just released its quarterly attestation for Q2 2025. Highlights as of 30th June 2025: * 157.1B total issued USDt, end of Q2 2025. * 162.5B total assets/reserves, end of Q2 2025. * 5.47B excess reserves, on top of the 100% reserves in liquid assets that back all issued…” — Paolo Ardoino (@paoloardoino) July 31, 2025
And so, the world spins, its fortunes tied to the whims of Bitcoin and stablecoins. Strategy and Tether, two titans of this digital farce, laugh all the way to the blockchain. But remember, dear reader, in the land of crypto, today’s gold is tomorrow’s fool’s errand. 🌪️🤹♂️
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2025-08-01 09:54