Weight: 130 lbs (must lose 20 lbs before Bitcoin hits 100k)
Cigarettes: 0 (v.g.)
Calories: 2,400 (mostly stress-eating while watching crypto charts)
Bitcoin portfolio: Down 2% (v.v. bad)
Gold-owning smug friends: 4 (insufferable)
Monday. Cannot believe am sitting here watching gold shoot to moon while Bitcoin does absolutely nothing. V. frustrating. Wall Street still being complete idiots about whole thing, according to some terribly important man called Jordi Visser (sounds like name from dating app, but apparently is big finance expert 🤔).
Everything going absolutely bonkers in markets. US bonds (supposedly safest thing ever, like granny’s Christmas sweater of investments) now about as reliable as my ex’s promises. Dollar performing worse than my attempts at morning yoga. Everything falling apart simultaneously, which apparently never happens. Unless you’re in Brazil in 1990s (note to self: must Google Brazilian financial crisis while pretending to work).
V.v. annoying thing is that Wall Street still thinks Bitcoin is basically tech stock’s cooler cousin. 🙄 Apparently won’t “get it” until money printing machine goes brrr again. Meanwhile, gold getting all attention like popular girl at school. Unfair! Gold already has all fancy friends – sovereign wealth funds, central banks, hedge funds (show-offs).
Jordi (feel we’re on first-name basis now) says Bitcoin’s time will come. Just need to wait for everything to properly collapse first. V. reassuring. 🫠
Something about “decentralized systems” and “multipolar world” – sounds bit like fancy gym equipment but apparently v. important. Also AI involved somehow. Beginning to suspect entire financial system more complicated than Bridget Jones’s love life.
Current Bitcoin price: $84,689 (must resist urge to check every 5 minutes)
Resolution for tomorrow:
– Stop obsessing over gold price
– Learn what sovereign wealth fund actually is
– Maybe buy some US bonds (jk, absolutely not)
– Stop drunk-tweeting about Bitcoin to Wall Street executives
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2025-04-14 16:17